...Or to Carajo Land to better put it. Seriously, I've been spacing out like no tomorrow, only to have my mom snap me out of it by constantly asking me if I'm okay, I'm fine with her worrying, but it's getting a tad annoying. D= Someone save me!! Whoever hasn't gone back to school yet, drag me out of the house if you have to...I just gotta make sure I have money, lol. Without that I'm stuck anyway. But, alas aside from that, everything's been going smoothly since I've come back home and then there's the ever present question; when are you going back to MA? To be honest, I seriously have no idea. I guess it all depends if they can work something at the university. I'm hoping that I can attend this semester instead of starting in the fall. You have no idea how much it would break my heart if they told me I was excepted, but that I'd have to wait till the fall. Oi, even thinking about it is making me nervous... This drifting mind of mine needs to be in class, even if it falls asleep. I've been in the school system too long to just stop cold turkey. That is not an option. That and it makes publishing a book boatloads harder to do with the lack of a degree.

But fear not. I am not scraping my dream of becoming a pastry chef. No way. I love it too much to leave it, but I am putting it on hold till I can get my motivation back. Paul Smiths seems to have sucked it out of me... I hope that school disappears under an pile of snow, lol. I do miss some people from there, just not the school or the food. Especially not the food. I really think that at some point I ate meat that was something other than pork, beef, or chicken...duck and rabbit were to expensive for this woodsman's school. I blame them for getting fat. Eating pasta and pizza everyday to avoid the meat. Humph! Horrid school, lol. On a recent note (as recent as New Years), my sleeping pattern is still all convoluted. I've become a creature of the night, watching the Food Network or watching anime on my laptop. I've tried staying a whole day and sleeping at night, but I lack the will to say no to my body. I mean I fell asleep in the shower yesterday (very sad I know). I love to sleep, but Bevy has her limits. -Insert token pouty face here-

Well, I believe that's all you guys are gonna get out of me...for now. I'll try to update regularly, but who reads this anyway, lol. Alas, I must go check on some porkchops I have in the oven. Ciao. Bye-bye.

Well as you all know, I really have no reason to be updating since as I said before only like what, three people actually bother reading this. But I suppose I'm only doing this to vent. I ned to if not very bad things will happen to Bevy and as far as I know, no one wants that. For the past couple of days I've been feeling crappy and I don't really know why. I just have. All I want to do is sleep all and night. That would make for a pretty shitty existance, wouldn't it. In theses past couple of weeks I've had falling outs with people, none of my old friends, but some of the new. For my old buddies, we've been through some shit and I know that link will survive, or so I hope. I know I'm a day late on my xanga, but I want to wish Milly a Happy 19th Birthday, even though I wished her one on Facebook. Then again you can never be told "Happy Birthday" too many times. It's a day that's meant to be enjoyed. Anyhow, school's going good, I'm slowly breaking out of my procrastination habit. It's hard, but I'll live. Another habit that isn't doing so well in being broken is my cutting. I stopped for a long time, but with me feeling shitty, I fell back into it. To be honest I don't think that's one I'll break. Stress and my emotions are the trigger and lord knows there's going to be so much more of that in my life as I grow up. Not sure how I'm going to tell my mother that I changed my major to Liberal Arts...That'll be a toughie. Oh well, I'll tell her when the time rolls around. Cleaned my room today and I plan to keep it clean for a while now. I hate having my door closed when I'm alone, even if I have to hear those racist pricks screaming their asses off in the hallway. I still feel out of place here and I'm not sure why...Well maybe I do, but I don't want to admit it. I don't belong here, I just don't. All my friends have had a previous connection and I feel like I'm the only doofus that has to start knew. For god's sake what the fuck happened to the girl back in High School? The crazy, laughing girl who was loud and had fun? When the hell and why the hell did I become so damn shy? Ugh...All of this just frustrates me to no end! I just want answers to all these stupid questions, but only God knows when I'll get them. Valentine's Day was a day like any other. Did the same things, talked to the same people, and that's it. Nothing speacial what so ever. I didn't expect it. The only person I had made a connection with turns out I didn't have feelings for. By the way he's one of those people I had a falling out with and for no damn reason. Over Christmas break he asked me where he stood in my life and I said I didn't know. Is that a fucking crime? Last time I checked it wasn't. I'm not entitled to like him and I'm sure as hell not entiltled to sugar coat shit for a grown ass man! I know I may be comming off a tad mean and most people will say, "Oh, but he has feelings too?" Well sucks for him then for wearing his heart on his sleeve. I didn't ask him to like me or anything like that. The whole deal is just frustrating...UGH!!!!!!! I thought if i left the city I'd leave behind a whole bunch of drama, turns out my ass was wrong, VERY wrong. That shit is worst up here than it is back home! In a school so damn small news travels at the speed of light and that is an understatment. I could go on and on, but I have to go to bed...I have class in the morning...which I might just not go...I only like Finance when we're doing actual math. Peace my dears. Till next time. Ciao bella.